Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
