Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
