I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
