who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
they're like a gay fantastic four
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
