Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
