At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
