I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
