Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
