if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
