Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
