It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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