Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
