I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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