Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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