Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize