yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
