Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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