I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
