My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
