Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
