Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
