If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
