I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
