conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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