I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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