is your mom at the bar?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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