Christians are straight up FREAKS
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
