he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
PANTIES FOUND
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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