She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
