He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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