Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You're like the curious george of whores
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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