Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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