he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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