A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
