Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
