i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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