wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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