Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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