once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
