just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
