I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
