im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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