I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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