wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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