It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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