dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
