nut hugger
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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