this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
