I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
