I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
