She said her name was "party"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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