Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
