is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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