So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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