Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
