Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
