Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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