Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
