he shaved USA in his pubs
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
