coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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