I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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