Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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