Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
