420 ftw
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
