I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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