remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
