just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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