The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
