So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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