When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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