you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize