...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
