she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
