Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
