Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
