At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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