saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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