We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
