sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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