he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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