he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
