i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize