I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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