he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
