no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Fuck appropriateness.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I had to cum in my sink.
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