and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
