Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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