can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
