Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
