IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
