I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize