I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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