he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
God, I missed his penis.
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