I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
