My underwear smells like fireworks.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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