yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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