You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
