Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
