I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you never un-have a 4some
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
