She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
