I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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