JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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