paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
