I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
