Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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