I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize