never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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