thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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